I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
