woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize