shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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