My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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