false alarm. still invincible.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
