...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
