hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize