She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
