I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
