God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
her vagine was all disorganized.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
