If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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