Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
