we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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