maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
