there's paper in my vomit.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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