6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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