u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
