hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
