It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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