he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
