A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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