I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
