don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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