That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
