then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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