I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
