so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
