I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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