You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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