You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
