I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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