can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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