Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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