Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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