Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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