I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
nutella sex= disaster
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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