dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm passing your future prison.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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