went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
