brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
