careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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