My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have fence marks all over my body
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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