____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't put those talents on a resume
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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