Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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