just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
