You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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