I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
