You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
