im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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