He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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