The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
