Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
