We're like a lot better than the average bears
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i think i just lost a toe
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
