the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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