genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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