Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
