Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I looked at my own cervix.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
