Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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