yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
