God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
