I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
