I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
